I feel sick again. I always do when I'm lying awake at night, when there's nothing left to distract
me. It's just that horrible indescibable sensation that comes from your stomach all the way up to your throat, almost like
the feeling of travel sickness in a way. The sort of thing that makes you feel sick even though you know that nothing's actually
going to come up.
It's not my health. I'm perfectly healthy, which I guess I should be after all the running around
and traveling that I've done. I don't think that I can even begin to count all the miles that I've traveled and there are
still many, many more to go. No matter what I have to keep going.
No, it's not me. I know why I feel sick sometimes, I've felt this way ever since I left home.
In simple tearms, you could call it homesickness.
I miss her, I miss my sister. Sometimes I think about how lucky I am to have met people like
Elie and Griff to keep me company so that I'm not alone. Even before then I had Plue so I was never really a lone traveller.
She is alone though and that's what worries me, that's what makes me hurt. When dad left and
mum died we were all each other had. She took on the task of taking care of us, the house, the food and just about everything
else. What do I do? I run off and leave!
Now I know that I didn't really have a choice. I am the Rave Master after all. I know that I
have to do this, that it's the only way to make things right again.
But that doesn't mean that I don't miss home and wonder whether everything is alright. I saw
the horrible power of the Shadow Stones before and I'd give anything if it meant that it didn't befall my sister. That all
depends on me, I'm the one responsible for making sure that she and everyone else is safe. At times it seems pretty unreal
that just one person is responsible for something so big. If I slip up then that's it!
My body jumps a little, my mind suddenly pulled from it's jumbled thoughts by the voice that
speaks my name. A hand running down my back makes me shiver a little as I feel the cool touch against my skin. For whatever
reason, I don't turn around to face him. Instead my gaze remains fixed upon the large glowing moon in the dark sky.
All of a sudden I realise that I've been holding my breath and let it out in one long heavy
sigh. I can hear him shift behind me, leaning towards me, wondering what's bothering me.
"I thought you were asleep," I finally answer him, still not turning.
There's no answer. Instead I hear him come a little closer so that I'm practically able to feel
the warmth of his body that is so near to mine. As much as I try I can never hold back the soft moan that slips out when he
kisses me on the side of the neck. He comes again so I let him, feeling his mouth glide smoothy over my neck, jaw and shoulder.
Eventually he clasps one strong hand over my shoulder to roll me onto my back. As soon as my back hits the mattress he's completely
on top of me, trapping my mouth with his as he kisses me again. I try to lose myself in the moment as I cling to the back
of his neck, feeling his tongue push its way into my mouth.
But the people who I left behind and the responsibilities that are ahead are weighing too heavily
on my mind tonight.
"Musica " I manage to gasp out his name as he withdraws to catch his breath. I can feel his
hardening erection pressing against my thigh. Looks like I'm going to have to disappoint him tonight. "Musica please. I I
can't do this. Not tonight."
He stops to look down at me. When I'm able to stop looking into his deep eyes I can see the
moonlight reflecting a little on the three silver studs above his eyebrow. What I see in his eyes was what I was afraid of,
disappointment. Yet I can also see that he understands why, he knows how much I miss my home at times. I don't need words
to tell him that.
I don't speak and neither does he. Instead he brings his arms around me to hold me close to
his chest, offering whatever comfort he can. As he rolls onto his back he takes me with him so that I find myself resting
on top of his chest. Then I feel him start to pet and stroke my hair so I relax myself as much as I'm able to, resting my
head on his shoulder. I tilt my head up a little to kiss him gently on the neck as my own silent apology and thanks.
With a deep sight my eyes close and I feel my whole body relax completely against his. His hand
is still stroking my hair, able to soothe my troubled thoughts a little.
"Get some sleep," I can feel his warm breath against my ear as he speaks to me softly. "Things
will look better in the morning."
I think that's one of the things that I love so much about him. He'd never force me into anything,
even if it does mean a little discomfort on his part. Then again, it's guaranteed that I'll have to pay him back later. Not
that I'd mind.
I'm just about able to kiss him once more before that darkness comes rushing up on me fast,
pulling me into sleep.
I let it.