“Musica!”

A shudder runs up my spine as you scream out my name again, your head rolling back with your mouth still hanging open afterwards, gasping for air. I used to only be able to imagine this, the sight of you screaming and writhing beneath me. In pain yet knowing that you will learn to enjoy it. I admit, the dreams themselves were very enjoyable but now hey hold no comparison to the real thing.

I can see that you’re in pain though and I don’t want that. I don’t want your first experience to be a hurtful one. I love you too much for that. Yet at the same time I also know that the pain can’t be helped but you’re strong enough to see it through. I’ve seen you handle so much already, such things that other boys your age can only fantasize about whilst sat in front of a flickering box. Those hopes of theirs take them away from whatever harsh reality they may face but it is still empty hope. But you, for you it is a stone cold reality. There have been so many things and there is so much more to come.

That’s why. That’s why I know you can handle this pain. It’s because of who you are.

Leaning down I begin to favor your neck. I’ve always favored it, though I suppose it is a little strange to have a neck fetish. Running my lips and tongue over the skin I can taste the slightly salty tang of sweat that’s beginning to form. It’s that little tang in taste that I love most of all, the way it suddenly jumps onto your taste buds and re-awakens you. A little like a sharp yet pleasant taste of some sort of citrus fruit in the morning to wake you up. Your panting is starting to slow a little as you start to regain your breath, I can feel it against my chest. Your heart is still beating wildly though, so is mine.

I wonder if your heart used to beat as fast as mine did when I was around you. I can still remember the day I first laid my eyes on you. It was just a regular day like any other and then all of a sudden I was standing before this spirited boy who didn’t seem to know any fear. Although I didn’t know it then, I fell for you.

When we were attacked by General Lance’s army, I think that’s when I first started to actually notice you properly. You were there beside me, trapped up against that wall. With my skills I was easily able to break out but you had to depend on me for escape. All of a sudden the idea of leaving you trapped there and having you for myself pushed it’s way into my head. I could hear your screams and cries so clearly in my mind that for a moment I was unsure whether it was reality or not. Such thoughts I have had before with others. If people could see what went through my mind sometimes the fact that Hamrio Musica swings both ways wouldn’t be the only surprise to them, I’m sure.

I have had such thoughts about others, that is true. The only difference is that none of them remained in my mind for so long. After that incident in Punk Street you started to become somewhat of an obsession to me. You just wouldn’t get out of my head. Even in my dreams you were there, teasing me with what I thought I could never have. Back then my dreams were the only place where I could take you. Only there I could see your face flushed and hear your wonderful cries as I took you over and over again. When I rejoined you I started to notice things about you like the way your hips moved when you walked, how your hair shone in the sun and how your beautiful eyes sparkled when you flashed that wonderful smile of yours.

I ended up wanting you so badly that I would have gladly just grabbed you and fucked the hell out of you no matter where we were. I was able to hold myself back though. Practically having my dreams come true would have been absolutely wonderful but if that ever happened I wanted your part to be willing as well. No matter how badly I wanted to make you mine.

So I just had to go along with a broken heart. I thought that you loved Elie you see. You two always seemed so close together when you laughed and talked and goofed around together. Plus the two of you had been traveling together for longer so why wouldn’t you have been closer to her then me? It still hurt though but I never did anything. I wanted you to be happy, even if it meant that it wasn’t with me.

Then all of a sudden it happened, so fast that I feel like I almost missed it. I remember. Elie had gone down to the casino again leaving the two of us in the hotel room, talking about anything that came to mind really. I can’t really remember where the conversation started but I do know where it ended. You told me that you thought you loved me.

My heart started beating so fast that I thought it was going to burst. My breathing stopped as my mind tried to understand what you had just said to me. You loved me? After all that pain and heartache I had felt thinking that you could never be mine you had loved me all along? I just couldn’t believe it.

After a while I realized that I hadn’t made any response and by then you weren’t looking at me. Your face seemed red with embarrassment. You must have thought that I didn’t love you back. I could see it even though you wouldn’t face me. The expression in your eyes was glad that you had said it but regretted ever doing so as well.

   Such a conflict.

Oh Haru, if only you’d have known. If only you’d have known how much I ached when I was so close to you but couldn’t touch you, when you smiled at me. I used to spend so many sleepless nights watching you in bed, the blanket around your waist to leave your chest bare. Sometimes you would make small noises and move around and I used to lie there wondering what you were dreaming about. Wondering if you were dreaming of me.

When I realized that as much as I wanted to I just couldn’t say anything I answered you in the only way I could. Holding your chin to make you face me, I kissed you.

Now here we are. As much as my strong desire for you stayed I still held myself back. Beforehand the furthest we got was one hell of a passionate make-out with shirts off. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t loved being with you though. One of my fondest memories now is lying there at night with you asleep in my arms, attaching yourself to my waist or my chest. As much as I tried I couldn’t hold out for long though. So tonight I asked you if you would be willing to do this for me and felt so happy when you agreed.

I can see your eyes half open now, shining a little with pain as you try to slow your breathing.

“Steady - - Haru - - it’s alright - -” it seems I’m just as breathless as you are. Kissing you I try to calm and soothe you with my words whenever I break away to gasp for air.

Clinging to my hair with one hand you run the other down my face, the sensation like pleasurable fire against my skin. Your eyes have opened a little more now, looking directly into mine. No matter how much I see them I’m still amazed at just how beautiful they really are.

“Don’t worry - - about me,” your panting breath comes hot and heavy onto my cheek. “I trust you.”

Your words put me at ease so I push against you again, drawing out another cry. Suddenly your hips buck up to force me even deeper inside you, pulling a low groan from both of us. That must have made me hit something inside you as all of a sudden you scream out. I want to hear more of your pleasured cries so I push against you even harder, drawing out more.

Those sounds alone are beginning to push me over the edge but I don’t want this to end just yet. I’ve waited for so long that I don’t want it to be over just like that. So I hold back, pounding into you harder and faster ever time. The way you scream out my name and how your body moved against mine drives me on.

By now I’m practically attacking your mouth with mine, tasting whatever I can reach with my tongue and nipping almost harshly at your bottom lip. I’m just about aware of the animal-like noises coming from me as I fill you to your limit, pushing against you hard. I guess this is what they call the point of no return.

I’m not going to last much longer and I know it but I don’t want you to be left unsatisfied either. Steadying myself as much as I can I reach down to grasp your own hard erection, pumping my fist up and down.

That just about does it. With your head thrown back you let out a loud ripping cry that tears into my very heart and the next thing I know there’s a hot sticky substance coating my fist.

There’s no time for you to rest as I begin to hurt and release my own seed inside you, uttering a low cry. I see a white flash before my eyes and then nothing. It’s over.

Looking down I see your chest still rising and falling heavily, shining wonderfully with the sweat that’s gathered. Your eyes have closed, your silver hair lying around your head. So beautiful. My beautiful Haru.

Slowly I withdraw from you, drawing out one final soft groan, licking what I can of the drying seamen off my hand. I can feel you trembling underneath me so I gather you up in my arms to hold you close to me. The warmth of your body is able to heat mine a little, your flushed cheek against my neck especially. Your one free hand wraps around my back, the other still tangled in my hair.

“Are you okay?” a blanket wraps around us to keep out the cold before I lie down, taking you with me. Slowly your breathing starts to calm, you eyes opening to reveal those violet orbs that I love so much. Your hair still has that soft smooth feeling as I brush some of your silver bangs from your eyes.

I can practically feel my heart melt with pure relief when you smile up at me and nod. “I’m okay.” One warm hand touches my face, tender and loving. The hand in my hair guides my head down so that you can kiss me, your lips soft against mine. “I love you.”

I can’t help but smile at your words. I wonder if you have any idea how much I’ve always loved you too.

END